WILTIMS #415: It's-a me, Dr. Mario! Hello!

I was the hero of the 6th floor yesterday. No, I didn't save a life or medically help anyone in any appreciable way. But I did turn off a toilet.

My resident and I were sitting in the nurses station when we hear a cacophony of voices and swooshing noises come down the hall. Apparently the toilet in one of the 4-patient ward-style rooms had become jammed in flush mode. The mighty little toilet was swirling like the whirlpool at the end of The Little Mermaid. Water sloshing all over the floor, threatening to flood the small bathroom and spill toilet water into the patients' room.

The maintenance people had been called but weren't coming fast enough. Nurses and techs had strewn various linen across the floor to hold back the tide. And a half dozen members of the nursing staff were yelling at no one in particular that this was unacceptable, dangerous, and meant they would have to move the patients to other beds that we simple didn't have to spare.

I was sitting there with the doctors who all had expressions of, "That sounds like a problem, but not my problem." Being on call for the evening, I had already finished my daily work and was waiting for a new patient to arrive. Loving chaos, as I do, I decided to investigate this toilet-pool of death. Turns out the nurses were exaggerating a bit. The water was indeed swirling Ursula-with-a-trident style, but very little water was accumulating on the floor. The noise was impressive though.

Giving the toilet a good look, I quickly recognized it as the same model that we had at the movie theater I worked at for 5ish years. All I needed was a screwdriver... like the one on my key-chain-sized multi-tool. It took just a few turns of a hidden screw for the water and noise to stop. Walking out of the suddenly silent bathroom, I was looked at like a wizard as I calmly said that I had stopped the toilet.

Me: "I stopped the toilet. It needs to be turned on again, but at least it's not flushing anymore."
Nurse: "You what? How?"
Me: "I just used a screw driver to turn it off?"
Nurse: "Where'd you get a screw driver?"
Me: "My pocket."
Nurse: "Wha...Who are you?" [looks at my name on my white coat]
Me: "A medical student?" I say apprehensively.
Nurse: "Christopher? Well get in here for a selfie; I need to send this to some people."
Me: "Uh, ok?" [smiles in celebratory selfie with two nurses and a PCA... for some reason?]

TIL: The functional reach test is a way to assess balance in elderly patients. You have the person stand straight up with their arm outstretched and then reach as far forward as possible before they feel unsteady. A normal result is six or more inches.

A quick way to tell if a dialysis fistula is still patent is by placing your hand over the radial artery near the fistula. If you feel vibrations, it's good. If you just feel a normal pulse, it's probably no longer connecting.